It's weird

I went to a "meeting" last night for people dealing with depression and anxiety among other social/mental health issues. I was nervous. Under normal circumstances, when I'm not dealing with anxiety and depression, I am an outgoing person, not prone to social hiccups that sometimes afflict other people. I can mingle easily and I'm capable of discussing many topics with many different social circles. Sometimes in these mingling situations I do drink. I love to drink! My drink of choice in the last year has been red wine. I didn't drink last night and mixed with my anxiety I was a bundle of nerves.

I don't like how depression and anxiety affect me. I have been dealing with these health issues for more than 15 years and they wax and wane like the ocean tides. When I was younger and in elementary school and high school my "issues" were affected by puberty. Not to mention the fact that I have Tourette Syndrome and it was much worse when I was younger causing massive mood swings, aggression and the need to keep a routine (especially in regards to my television programs). it's never been easy for me to meet people and keep friends due to my problems - people just don't seem to get me! When I was in my early twenties and started a new job, I started meeting new people. This was mostly due to the internet (dating sites) and these people were all males. I discovered alcohol and decided that it made me better and more sociable.

Alcohol is a deadly drink. It changes a person's personality based on their current beliefs and feelings. Example - when I'm happy and I drink to excess I am a happy, funny drunk. When I'm depressed and drink too much I become sad, melancholy and a downright drag. I restrained myself last night and did not drink. I did this for a number of reasons.

1) No one else was drinking. I personally don't like to be the only one out of a group drinking alcohol. It's not fun being the only one having alcohol, especially when in a social setting with 10 or so people. You stand out, plain and simple.

2) I knew that some of the people would have issues with alcoholism. Alcohol and depression go hand in hand. Some people who have issues will drink to forget those issues. Alcohol can make a person feel good for a short period of time before it all goes wrong.

3) I was driving and I know I don't always stop at one drink. Even having one drink and driving is not a good idea. We've all seen the commercial with the beer glasses and the bus! Even one drink impairs your judgment.

I had to fight my issues on my own. The nice thing was that the group all knew what I was going through and didn't really draw a whole lot of attention to it. Sometimes it's easier dealing with anxiety when your left to relax on your own. You can't push an anxious person to have a good time. It doesn't work that way.

I'll give it another shot. I'll go out to the next social event, if just to get myself out of the house.